Previously titled: Twins
then changed to: Clover
Currently, unknown title.

( My name is Lei Daniela Morrison, and I am a demon Hunter. No, I’m not insane or belong in a mental ward, thank you very much. )

Please read and review!

( Gone- The Application )

I bored. I don't have the feeling to write this right now. I will continue this. I promise... just I need some.. I don't know. baaaaaaah

( Gone, pt 10 )

yeah!! the true plot begins!! i'll try to post tonite... but i have to clean the apartment...

( Gone, pt.9 (take two) )

Yeah.. that's all I have for now. I intend to add more to this post tomorrow or maybe later tonite, so keep checking. Let me know what you think, as always!

edit: yeah... so this is a short chapter. whatever. coming up, birth of the wee one and a surprise from james!

Thanks to "paganprincess" and "spirithound" who commented. In some ways I feel I am just fumbling when it comes to writing this. I have some ideas but I'm not sure how to play it out exactly. At first, I was going to do a "sam is like an elastic band and now that she is free from james, she is going to go to the other extreme" but then i decided not to. then i was going to have her get back together with james and we could all want that fall apart more but then i decided not to. now i have decided (and actually went with it) that Sammie should be pregnant and James is not out of the picture yet.

to answer trevor's question, i think i'm going to focus on the first month of her being pregnant and then skip ahead, to where it really starts. but we'll see. i might change my mind again and scrap what i have.

Thanks again to my commenters... and I have been instructed to tell everyone to read Brendan's journal and comment. NOW. Thank you.

( Gone, pt. 7 )


Edit: ... it's early. too early. anyway, i decided to wrap up this chapter early. part 8... coming soon.

( Gone, pt. 6.1 )


( Gone, pt. 7 )

I'm not sure if this is how the rest of the story is going to be played out. I mean, what, 35 pages in and *now* i'm introducing the main story? I don't know.

I WOULD APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK SO I HAVE SOME IDEA IF THIS STORY IS ANY GOOD OR IF IT'S TOTAL CRAP and by good, i don't mean it gives you the warm fuzzes, but I mean if it's believable. hell, a comment that says "i'm not reading this." would be nice. and maybe a comment as to an LJ community who could give me a feedback on my writng. then at least then i don't feel like i'm wasting my time.

I finished the rest of pt 5 on Word. I should be uploading the new part to Booksie by the end of the week.

( Gone, pt. 6 )

I am debating. I have a very twisted mind. Today we were served with an affidavit regarding one of our clients and I have been thinking about this idea for a while now... James clearly isn't going to give up Samantha so easily. And a book about dealing with the after effects without James is just boring. If you want to read that, just read my journal. *rolls eyes* self loathing over, what if James started court proceedings against Samantha? Before you ask how... what if Samantha was pregnant? They were sexual together (consentual or not, another story) and I don't see James as the type of guy to limit his "pleasure" by using a condom... what if there is a little one in Sammie? I think James going for custody and whatnot would be interesting to do.. and realistic. Just I doubt my abilities to play Samantha's reaction to a child well enough.

Anyway, my muse for the day.

( Gone, pt.5 )

i'm still working on this part... check back for more later :P

EDIT: Blah!! I'm still working on this part. my thoughts are a bit of a mess. my creative flow seems to halt every time Sam and James talk on the phone. well, good for her, finally, i guess. now i'm just debating what to do now... any comments, thoughts or suggestions would be nice. or if you want to stop seeing me post this, commenting that would be good too.

( Gone, p.4.1 )

( Gone, pt.5 )

FYI- i'm still working on this part. i need more ideas. i also need to know how this flows and what you think of the whole sam/ jayden stuff.

I need to edit up my booksie version of "Gone"

Edit: Okay... i lied. It's 1040p.m. and i was going to work on part four but i realized it was good enough... so enter part five. so that's still in progress.

Okay. I lied. I can't stop working on "Gone." I just can't. It's working stuff out for me. So just as a warning, my writing may be weird until I can finish that (and possibly finish Lavender.) I obviously need to work stuff out.

( Gone, pt. 4 )

( Gone, pt 4 )

um... I have writer's block. I don't like where this is going anymore. I'm stuck. :(

I'm debating ending it at Part One. Also thinking about continuing it her going back to James and have it go worse before she finally breaks away. Maybe touch on some of the legal issues, issues of dependability, unable to get away, maybe pregnancy. Or elminating the above, and deal with stalker issues and legal issues. Or eliminating the above and just dealing with her "getting over" the relationship. Focus on repairing her life, her friendships. I don't know.

For those who are curious about all my talking about Lavender, I have posted that and "Gone" at Booksie.com. Please comment on them!

Also, if you'll like, please give me guidance on the above. I <3 comments.

Also. I feel fat.

Lately i have had the urge to write about girls in abusive relationships. For almost three years, i have avoided that subject like the plague. as most of my faithful readers know, that subject is too close to my heart. Then I began to write Lavender based on a dream i had. I was able to read Fault Line, a book i remember reading about abuse and i said "it would never happen to me." Maybe this is a way for me to finally deal with what happened. Maybe not. I realise what happened i never truly dealt with. i shoved it aside. I have really only told a few people the story. Brendan knows the most. Kevin the next, but only the coles notes version. Trevor and Anna know the coles notes of the coles notes version. That is it.

So this afternoon, instead of doing something productive, i started to write this. we'll see if i continue it. For those who don't know the story, or only the coles notes version, this is not based on what happened to me. Yes, there are part of it which did happen but the severity of Samantha's story is fictional.

I hope, should you read this, you'll comment.

Thank you.

( Gone )

Ceiling. White. Flat. Sunlight shadows. Sunlight. Sunny. California. Stoneybrook. No where. Meetings being called to order. Friends. Friends forever. Fights. Anger. Step sisters. Sadness. Leaving. California. Maggie. Amalia. Ducky. Sunny. Sunny. Sunny.

No matter how much Dawn tried to clear her mind it was always brought back to Sunny. Her best friend. The only true friend she could count on. The reason why she moved back to live with her father. The reason why she was now back in Stoneybrook, staring at the ceiling of a home she didn't recall. Her home had burnt down in a terrible fire. It was like a sign, Dawn reflected, that her whole life would change in the coming years.

Some changes she could handle, like high school or high school boys. Those were easy and even fun. High school parties were also a huge change from the silly sleepovers she used to have with the Baby- Sitters Club. These parties were about looking good and getting a guy. They were about hooking up. There weren't able discussing baby-sitting tips, giggling over boys or pizza toasts. Her friends were a huge change from the members of the Baby- Sitters Club. California was completely different from her life in Stoneybrook. In Stoneybrook, she felt like she would be a child forever, now she was able to grow up.

There were other changes she wasn't expecting. Maggie relapsed into her eating disorder to the point she was hospitalized. At that point, all her friends changed. Amalia was the only who stuck by with Maggie and helped her through it. It wasn't that Ducky and Dawn didn't want to but Sunny was going down her own self destructive path and they ended up siding with her. After her mother's death, she seemed to clean herself up, stop running away, stop the massive amount of drinking and was actually dealing with life. After Maggie was hospitalized Sunny snapped back. As if she wasn't able to deal with the death of someone else close to her. She partied hardcore, drank, skipped classes and did drugs.

Dawn wanted to help Sunny so she promised her to stand by her. Ducky was torn between his friendships. Sunny had vowed never to speak with Maggie again. She had said that if Maggie was stupid enough to fall into that illness again that she might as well just die. Ducky didn't agree and they fought about Maggie constantly. Sunny almost seemed to resent that Ducky had a mind of his own and was fighting her on this. Dawn didn't neccessarily agree but didn't want to abandon her best friend. Besides, selfishly, Dawn had more fun hanging out with Sunny, getting trashed and hooking up with guys then sitting at the hospital, wondering if Maggie would survive another heart attack.

Dawn blinked, her world turning completely dark so fast her mind didn't even register the difference. She could hear her family in the kitchen. Her stepfather, Richard making some huge breakfast, her mother, Sharon, running around, trying to find something required for work and Marry Anne, her one time best friend and now stepsister, was chatting away about something about school. Dawn closed her eyes then immediately opened them. She hadn't slept at all the night before. She couldn't remember when she had a full nights sleep. Yes she could. In California. California. Sunny. Sunny.

Dawn wondered if she would be ever able to close her eyes and not see Sunny's blank stare. She wondered if she would ever be able to be free of Sunny's eyes. Sunny died. Funny. Maggie was well on her way to recovery. She was currently attending a fancy boarding school, away from the pressures of school life and home life. Sunny was the one who died. Dawn was there to witness it all. She wasn't even suppose to be there. Sunny and Dawn had a huge fight a couple weeks prior. They weren't even speaking. Sunny had slept with Ducky. She used and abused him as she did a million guys prior. Normally Dawn didn't care. Somewhere down the road Dawn had begun doing the same thing. Sex was fun. It made her feel good. It made life easier. But no one could do that to Ducky. Ducky was different. Ducky was special. You couldn't just hurt Ducky and get away with it. Sunny didn't seem to agree. Ducky was just another guy.

Then Amalia threw a big party. Her parents had gone away on some romantic retreat and her sister was away at college. Dawn knew the party was in honour of Maggie's recovery. Amalia had begged Dawn to come and to ignore Sunny. Sunny drank a lot that evening. Too much. That wasn't unusual. Dawn drank a fair bit too. She was definitely tipsy that night. It didn't matter to Dawn. It felt good.

Dawn had walked in on Sunny snorting a line of crack. She rolled her eyes when she saw Dawn. She considered turning away from Sunny but something stopped her. Within moments, she was screaming for someone to call 911 and was cradling Sunny in her arms. Sunny died. Dead. It wasn't until it was too late when Dawn's screams were heard. There was nothing that could be done. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Dawn forced herself to get up. Soon her parents would be at her door, knocking, telling her that she would be late for school. As if she cared about school. Without Sunny, nothing seemed to matter. All the things she did to make herself feel good only made her feel empty. Dawn was sent back to Stoneybrook in hopes that the change of scenery would change how Dawn was acting. That she wouldn't be so sluggish, that she would be "happy" again, that she wouldn't disappear during the night and come home completely wasted, that she would stop cutting herself. Not that anyone knew about the lasst one. That one was new. It seemed like seeing the little lines of red was the only thing that made Dawn feel somewhat whole again. No one knew. No one could knew.

Dawn forced herself downstairs, to her family. Mary Anne sat at the kitchen counter eating the last piece of bacon. Everything has changed. Everything. No longer were the girls of the BSC were innocent teenagers. They all grew up. They all had problems. Dawn left the house, pulling the hood of her black hood over her head, thinking that everything changed with Sunny.

Wow... special. An Ottawa elementary school removes the word "christmas" from the song Silver Bells to make the song more "inclusive"

What a load of crap! Firstly, it's an old song. over 50 years old. I'm sure when the writer of that song wrote it, he meant Christmas, not a "festive" day. because which day would that refer to? hallowe'en? new years? st. valentine's day?

secondly, come on now, students have these two weeks off because of christmas. I'm not knocking any other holidays this time of year, but they don't (usually) land on the 25th of December. Everything is closed on the 25th of December, also known as "Christmas." If you don't want to celebrate Christmas, or don't believe in the reasons for Christmas (which is JESUS, not family togetherness *pointed look at Shrek*), that's fine. but let's not forget what the 25th is.

Wow... that annoyed me.

After the death of Dalewood, despite the fact I believed he deserved it, my thoughts traveled to my mother’s faith more. How many times did she quote Jesus saying “turn the other cheek” or that God is the one who deliver justice? I wanted to believe my mother’s faith, that there was Someone watching out for us. Yet every day, as I went through the files on the laptop, I saw the damage the pain of the earth. I saw the cruelty of humanity and the evilness. My mother believed in an utopia which I struggled with. All my life I struggled with my mother’s faith. She was so devote. So sincere. So sure that she was right. How could that be?

Easter came a week after the incident with Dalewood and it seemed like perfect timing. I told Cain I wanted to go to mass on Good Friday. He looked at me like I was crazy. He knew about my mother’s beliefs and my own scepticism. He didn’t believe in God. He believe that most religions were fairy tales to help people sleep at night. I told him I was going, that it was something I felt like I had to do. Cain offered to come with me, which surprised me. I declined, wanting to go on my own. He nodded and told me that he would be home when I returned.

I dressed as nicely as I could. Lately the clothing Cain had been bringing home leaned towards the more going out style or for his own personal enjoyment, neither which would be appropriate for church. I finally found a long black skirt and a black turtleneck. As I left the apartment, Cain commented that it looked like I was attending a funeral.

I caught a cab to the church downtown. It was a huge church, built over 200 years ago. There were only a couple of the original walls remaining, the rest of the church had been destroyed in a fire approximately fifty years prior. No one was quite sure who started the fire except it was done on purpose and it took a long time for the firemen to get to the church. By the time they had control of the flames, most of the church had burnt. There were strange rumours about that fire. The church’s priest died, caught in the flames. Some say he was murdered and the murder had lit the church on fire, in order to cover his tracks. Others say the priest’s death was an accident, and whoever set the church aflame only meant to burn the church as a warning. A warning to what, no one would say. Others say the priest was out of the church, but had run back in to save something inside and had got caught in the flames.

My mind was on the poor dead priest as I entered the church. I sat at the last pew in the church. I wanted to hide. It had been a long time since I had been to mass and I felt weird being in the church. During the homily, the priest spoke about why Jesus died, that He died for our sins and that it was ultimately up to us if we wanted to receive the gift of salvation. He said that it did not matter what we had done, no matter what our past was, Jesus would accept up and we would be given a new life. I slid to my knees, while others went up for communion, deep in thought. I knew this was the spot I should be praying, but I didn’t know what I could say. I had thought about the past several months. I thought about the “sins” that Cain had committed and my association with him. I thought about the sins I had committed.

I began to cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~